Self-pity is one of the most potent ways to undermine your happiness and progress in life. When you wallow in self-pity, you give yourself an excuse to give up, feel victimized, and avoid responsibility. You allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself instead of taking action to change your situation. So why do we feel sorry for ourselves in the first place? There are many reasons, but some of the most common ones are because we feel powerless, helpless, and alone. We may also feel sorry for ourselves when we compare our lives to others and find that we fall short.
I know – it’s so justified! You’ve had a bad deal. The going is tough. You feel so helpless and alone, and you don’t have any support … and the list goes on. There are many reasons why feeling sorry for yourself seems to be perfectly reasonable – and it’s so easy to give in to it.
BUT – IT DOESN’T SERVE YOU!
All the time you spend feeling sorry for yourself is time wasted. Unless, of course, you enjoy feeling really sad and miserable. In that case, keep on enjoying it until you’ve had enough. No one is going to stop you.
Before you tell me I don’t understand, read on a bit more. You are probably right that I don’t understand your particular situation and what makes you feel you deserve to feel sorry for yourself. BUT I do know about self-pity. I have spent countless hours, days – even months on and off – feeling hard done by, sorry for myself, sad, alone, in pain, and unsupported.
AND I know that the times spent wrapped up inside my self-pity blanket have made me feel worse, and it hasn’t helped me do what has to be done. For me, those times have been wasted moments.
The thing is, self-pity changes nothing. It just makes you feel worse and even more helpless.
Self-pity doesn’t pay the bills.
Self-pity doesn’t help you make any positive changes – whatever the situation. Of course, you get so fed up that you decide to stop the self-pity and do something positive. So what can you do to break the cycle, to start dragging yourself out of your sorry muddy puddle?
Many things work for me, and maybe one of these might help you.
Stop thinking about the things that upset you
One of the best ways to stop feeling sorry for yourself is to stop thinking so much about what upset you. Dwelling on your problems and grievances will only keep you in unhappiness and negativity. Instead, try to focus on the positive aspects of your life. It’s not easy to do, but you can train your mind to think more positively with practice. When you find yourself dwelling on the negative, acknowledge it and quickly move on. It’s not always easy to change your thinking patterns, but with time and patience, you can do it.
Stop Worrying About What People Think
One of the biggest reasons we worry so much is because we’re afraid of what other people will think. We’re worried they’ll judge us, laugh at us, or think we’re crazy. But the truth is, other people’s opinions don’t matter. What matters is how you feel about yourself and living your life. If you’re not happy with how you’re living, it’s time to change it. Stop caring about what other people think and start worrying about what you want. You deserve to be happy and live your best life without guilt or regret. So don’t be afraid to go after what you want—the only person holding you back is yourself.
Start Thinking Positively
When you find yourself worrying, take a step back and ask yourself if there’s anything you can do about the situation. If the answer is no, there’s no point in stressing yourself out; let it go. As the saying goes, “Don’t worry, be happy.” The second step is to focus on the positives. No matter what life throws your way, there are always things to be grateful for. When you find yourself thinking negatively, switch your focus to something positive. This will help you feel better mentally, but it will also help you make progress in your life.
Be Grateful For Today
Each day should be lived as though it were your last. This manner of thinking changes the way you see things so that it gives more meaning to each day. It forces you to think about your relationships, actions, attitudes, and conversations with others. You must do this not thinking of yourself but thinking of others. This is where the real meaning comes into play.
I love my journey, my path, and my purpose in life…Today I will honor those things.
- I will honor and have great respect for being alive today. I will appreciate the ability to breathe in every breath of air, for feeling the earth beneath my feet, the gentle breeze on my face, and the warmth of the sun as it shines on the earth.
- I will carry a heart filled with love and gratitude for being a spiritual being having a wonderful and fulfilling experience as a human being today. I am filled with such bliss just to be alive and on this earth for one more day. I am awestruck that I can spend yet another day on earth with the knowledge that my two children and their families are alive and well.
Some simple daily routins that also worked for me:
- Get up and go for a walk. Walk fast, walk slow, look around you, and enjoy the experience.
- Do something physical around the house – vigorously clean the floor, clear out some cupboards, make bread.
- Go online and Google for uplifting things. Look for YouTube videos of talks given by motivational speakers such as Anthony Robbins or Wayne Dyer. Spend half an hour stumbling in categories such as self-help or spiritual.
- Find stories of people who have overcome MUCH worse problems than you – be inspired.
- Write out all your gripes, sadnesses, problems – just keep writing till you dry up = then do a ceremonial burning of the writing.
- Find someone to talk to and have a good laugh –but keep it to a prearranged time limit. You could do this on your own too.
And know that this post is written just as much for me as for you. Because I do forget. I do indulge in bouts of whining and self-pity. But the trick is to stop feeling sorry for yourself as soon as possible so that you can get on with the business of living your life and making the changes you want.
Life is precious.
Grab on to life with both hands and hold tightly to it each and every day. Be glad that you are here and that you are alive. Find the good and the positive in your life and in all things, the positive is there – you just have to find it, and you don’t have to look far. Learn to perceive everything in the best possible light. Doing so will benefit you and all those who you touch along the way.
Positive Thought for the day:
If you are reading this you are alive today, what a wondrous gift!
Think Positive! Be Positive!