Expectation and perception are at the core of many trust issues in relationships. When you trust someone to perform in a certain way, you are expecting something out of them. This expectation might look obvious to you but not necessarily to the other. Similarly, just because you perceive that someone hasn’t been trustworthy does not mean they see themselves that way. Maybe they are just in denial, but it could also mean they are unaware of the lack of relationship trust, or they could be living with a completely different set of expectations.
It’s very easy to expect others to perform to our standards, but merely having an expectation doesn’t necessarily make it happen. Unspoken expectations are a root cause of many trust issues in relationships. Trust, in other words, needs to be taken in the context in which it is placed. If you don’t communicate your needs and desires around trust, you can’t expect that you will get what you want from your partner (or anyone else).
When you first meet, it’s hard to imagine trusting your partner with anything. You can’t even trust them not to ditch you after the first date. Yet over time trust becomes an essential element of a successful and happy relationship. Trust is essentially the belief that your partner will not intentionally hurt or deceive you. When we cannot trust someone, their actions make us fearful and their presence makes us nervous.
Trust can be broken down into two categories: Either you don’t believe what your partner is saying or you don’t think they’ll keep their word (or both). Either way, your partner has broken your trust and made it difficult for you to have faith in them again until they regain your faith in them once again. In this article we will discuss when lack of trust hurts a relationship, the reasons behind different types of trust issues, as well as how to rebuild that crucial element – trust – in any relationship.
What is a Trust Issue?
Before we go into the details of each type of trust issue, it’s important to first understand what a trust issue is. A trust issue is when one partner has a degree of lack of trust that is holding the relationship back. There are several types of trust issues. The most common ones are:
- Communication issues – When one or both of you are struggling to communicate about things that are important to your relationship.
- Lack of emotional support – When one partner fails to provide emotional support for their partner when they need it.
- Poor problem-solving skills – When you and your partner are having difficulty solving problems together.
- Trust in general – When you don’t feel like you can trust your partner, or that they can’t trust you.
When Does Lack of Trust Hurt a Relationship?
Even when both partners want a healthy relationship, trust issues can crop up and cause all sorts of problems. If one partner has a significant lack of trust in the relationship, they will be guarded and defensive much of the time. They will be constantly on the lookout for evidence of their partner’s wrongdoing. They will be hyper-aware of their partner’s actions and constantly look for ways that their partner is letting them down. This type of guarded and hyper-alert behavior is stressful and can create a lot of pressure for the partner who is being constantly watched for evidence of wrongdoing.
If you are in a relationship where one partner has serious trust issues, you may find yourself feeling constantly defensive, worried about your actions, and scared of the consequences of the things that slip out of your mouth. You might feel like you can’t relax because at any moment you might do something that your partner finds offensive and that will cause your relationship to fall apart. In this type of relationship, it can be very difficult for either partner to be themselves. When there is a deep lack of trust between people, both are constantly on edge. This creates an atmosphere of tension and stress that makes both parties feel uncomfortable and unhappy.
Why Do We Have Trust Issues in Relationships?
There are several reasons that one partner may have trust issues in a relationship. It’s important to remember that having trust issues doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t trust your partner. It could be that your partner is struggling to trust you. Some of the most common reasons behind trust issues in relationships include:
- Fear – The person with trust issues may be afraid of being hurt by their partner. They may have been hurt before by others in the past and are now extremely cautious about trusting anyone.
- Past Relationships – If your partner had a relationship that ended badly, they could have trust issues in their next relationship as a result.
- Self-Focused Goals – If your partner is more focused on achieving their own goals than on the relationship itself, they may not have the emotional energy to focus on trust.
When Can’t Be Trusted Is a Byproduct of Something Else.
Sometimes the inability to trust your partner is not actually a problem with your partner. Rather, it could be a sign that you have trust issues with yourself. If you can’t fully trust your partner, it could be a sign that you are not entirely sure that you are worthy of being trusted. You subconsciously recognize that you aren’t trustworthy and that you would hurt your partner if they gave you the chance. If you struggle with self-trust issues, your partner won’t be able to fully trust you. It’s important to note that this type of situation is common. People who don’t fully trust themselves generally don’t even realize that they have trust issues with themselves until they start to work on their self-trust issues.
Here are 3 ideas for Rebuild Trust
- Rebuilding trust in a healthy relationship requires that you spend time together nurturing a common identity. Trust issues arise from having an “us and them” mentality. Work instead to find the values and common goals that create a sense of oneness together.
- One of the best tips for rebuilding trust is to shift your expectations but not your hopes. When you expect your partner, child, or business associate to follow through on their best intentions, you give them a vote of confidence. Expect and hope for the best from everyone. Healthy relationships are enhanced when someone feels the confidence of others. They are far more likely to feel the confidence in themselves to follow through.
- Finally, spend more time together just being your true, authentic self. Also, find and develop a genuine interest in something your partner is interested in. Trust issues in relationships can diminish by creating authentically honest and enjoyable times together. You will find less of a need to create any false perceptions of your partner. A genuine interest in another will tend to draw you both closer to the trust relationship you desire.
How to Know if Your Partner Can’t Be Trusted and What to Do About It.
If you are worried that your partner can’t be trusted, there are several steps you can take to resolve the trust issues and get your relationship back on the right track. First, ask yourself why you don’t feel like your partner can be trusted. Is it one specific instance, or is it something that’s been growing in you over time? If it’s been growing, try to identify what caused the distrust to begin growing in you. Once you’ve identified the cause of your distrust, you can start trying to earn your partner’s trust back.
Trust is a crucial element of any healthy relationship. Without it, partners are constantly on edge and uncomfortable with each other. It’s important to remember that trust issues are a two-way street. If one partner has a trust issue, the other partner may also be struggling with the same issue. When one partner is struggling to trust their significant other, it is best for both partners to seek outside help like consulting with a family member or couples therapist.
Trust is a feeling of certainty that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, and effective. In other words, it’s the belief that someone or something will behave in a way that you expect them to. Trust is the belief in the reliability and truth of another person.
Trust issues can stem from many different factors. You may have experienced betrayal in the past, or been let down by people you care about. Maybe you had a traumatic experience that made you feel like you could never trust anyone again.
If you’re not sure whether you have trust issues, ask yourself these questions:
1. Do I have a hard time trusting people?
2. Do I find it hard to forgive people who have hurt me in the past?
3. Do I often feel anxious or worried about what might happen?
4. Do I feel like I can’t trust my own instincts or intuition?
5. Do I constantly doubt the motives of others?
6. Am I always hyper-vigilant, looking for signs that someone might be trying to hurt me?
7. Do I feel like I can’t relax or let my guard down around other people?
8. When I make a mistake, do I immediately think that it’s because I can’t be trusted?
9. Do I feel like everyone is out to get me?
10. If someone does something nice for me, do I automatically suspect them of ulterior motives?