Anger is a normal human emotion that we are all capable of feeling whether we are people who are committed to LIVING ON PURPOSE, or not. The defining factor isn’t the way we feel, but how we choose to deal with the way we feel.
Life, as we all know only too well, does not solely consist of mountain top experiences or of feeling all warm and fuzzy towards people – even those we love, but for each of us carries frustrations, miscommunications, misinterpretations, and loads of unfulfilled hopes, dreams, and expectations….and sometimes it just so happens that you feel the full force of all of the above.
So, why do we react to some anger triggers more readily on some days than on others?
The reason for this is that we are more easily tipped into these distressing feelings when we are overtired or especially fragile. This could be due to feelings of unwellness; having just endured a knock to our sense of self; experienced a significant change, or are simply feeling a bit low for whatever reason.
So, how do we best deal with it when this happens?
MAKING ANGER WORK FOR YOU!
Well, you could do what I am doing right now…and that is to write about it instead of following your first inclination of ripping off heads or blasting the bejeebers out of the ‘offender/s. Writing (for me) is great self-therapy!
If writing doesn’t do it for you, choose another self-therapy tool. This could be running around the block, beating the stuffing out of a cushion, trashing your old tennis racket on the nearest tree, or if you live near the beach, finding a deserted stretch and screaming until your throat hurts.
As anger and frustration are energy-driven feelings any energetic process will assist in releasing the overload. Once drained of the worst, you’ll probably feel exhausted and sad. If so, don’t worry about it, it’s normal and once this has passed, you will be able to see much more clearly. So, be sure to let enough time pass until you can again see beyond the tip of your nose before you tackle the issue. Be aware that anger affects your eyes – it makes you short-sighted!
Once you have reached a clearer state of mind, decide whether your anger was justified or simply an overreaction to someone pushing a hot button:
- If you decide that your anger was appropriate to the issue tackle it from a foundation of calm, clear thought and then decide on an appropriate course of action. This may mean having a conversation with the ‘offender/s’. It could necessitate letting them know calmly, quietly but in no uncertain terms (assertively!) how their behavior caused you to feel and why.
- If you decide that your anger was an overreaction to a minor event spend some time considering how you could better deal with such a circumstance next time. Let go of the offense and cleanse your heart in whatever way this may seem appropriate to you. This could be through talking it over with a trusted friend or mentor; it could take the form of a symbolic act like writing it down and then tearing it up; visualizing the toxicity this issue has caused washing away as you take a shower, or letting it ‘go’ through prayer and meditation.
None of this is easy to do, especially when you are feeling really angry and raw and only want to ‘strike out’ and hurt those you feel have hurt you. But if you are committed to LIVING YOUR LIFE HAPPILY, it is important to train yourself to respond rather than react to offenses. Sometimes, in my case, I keep my mouth shut and try to lay low until I can see more clearly before I decide on an appropriate course of action.
A day later, anger cooled, frustration subsided and a decision was made, let me add a few important DONT’S:
- Stew all night over the ‘offense’ or allow it to take over your every waking moment.
- let what may at this point only be a molehill become a mountain in your mind or heart.
- shove the issue under the carpet because it may seem too inconvenient, too scary or too painful to work through.
- discuss it with people who lack wisdom and maturity.
- pretend to yourself (or anyone else) it didn’t hurt when it clearly did.
- deal with the issue in the heat of the moment as you’ll only say things you’ll later regret.
- allow the offense to remain in your heart. It will only sit there, stewing in its toxic juices, merely waiting for the next offense to occur and all the while building more momentum.
- allow it to damage your important relationships.
I am definitely one that can overreact in the heat of the moment. This is something I am trying to work on.
I suffer from depression. Anger issues stem from that. I have learned over the years how to channel my anger into something good. I enjoy reading your posts. They help me with daily living. Great post!
I discovered that for me, it was a better strategy to express confusion than anger when someone didn't honor their commitment at a store, for example. That way, the person can get protective rather than defensive — he or she can say – you're right, I did say I'd honor that. Maybe this works because I'm in my 60's and people are trying to be nice? I wish I'd tried it earlier, in any case.
This is a wonderful reminder. We have to always be looking at ourselves.
I am much better and thinking things through instead of reacting. I used to be quite a hot head.
It is also important to realize that what you are angry at NOW may not be what's really making you angry. It is valuable to examine your feelings, without dismissing them as unacceptable or an overreaction, because there may be something going on that can be solved.
Everyone have the ability to get angry as humans, but our ability to control our emotions, is what makes us to be superior. Anger does not repairs, it destroys.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful post.
Recognize it. Handle it. Knowing how to control it I think are the fundamental things in the face of anger.